Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
