She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
