do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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