So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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