Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
