tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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