dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
