I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
