She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drake has all the answers
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
