i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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