A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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