How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
