If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
