we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
