Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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