i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
