I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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