Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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