Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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