i don't like sucking hair
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
