We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My balls are so social today.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
