I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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