I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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