Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
