How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
