Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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