There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
