that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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