I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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