Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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