spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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