Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
