i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
