BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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