dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
