We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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