So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
