at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
