Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
