I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
