I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
