There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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