you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
