I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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