The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
