she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
