I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
