Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
try to milk me bitch
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