watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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