No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
